When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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Chuck Norris not only speaks in the third person, he sees in the third person.
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Chuck Norris went around the world... by standing still.
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Q: Do you know why infinity goes on forever?
A: Because it knows Chuck Norris is waiting for it at the end.
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Chuck Norris can keep up with the Kardashians.
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They once had a showing of Walker Texas Ranger in 3D.
There where no survivors.
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Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child.
The bed went itself out of fear.
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According to CNN, Chuck Norris was commanding the SEAL team in Afghanistan.
When Osama found that out, he shot himself in the head.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
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Chuck Norris can pop scissors with a balloon.
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On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
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