When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris's black belt was made in a black hole.
Chuck Norris once created a time machine and had to fight himself. We call it The Big Bang.
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
For Chuck Norris... In the game Monopoly every space is free parking.
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
There was no volcanic eruption in Iceland - Chuck Norris opened the BBQ season.
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick.