Chuck Norris can pop scissors with a balloon.
Chuck Norris stem cells can reproduce missing limbs.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
Chuck Norris has the right to keep and arm bears.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can run a nuclear power station using a rowing machine.
Chuck Norris only weakness, is weakness, of course!
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.