Joke #5710

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Vote: has 78.91 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, travel
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, Halloween, kids, mean, men
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said "ship her home". Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?" The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, holiday, men, money, wife
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Vote: has 30.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Vote: has 59.93 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak! They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used. You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot. They last longer and come with a warranty. You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle. They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it. They come in fashion colors. You can keep them in maximum zoom. They come with replaceable or adjustable parts. The parts that count are portable. They don’t mind over-exposure. They respond to the slightest touch. The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
Vote: has 58.98 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women
How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.
Vote: has 60.05 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men