A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain? A: A widower.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve? A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?" Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?" Dan says, "OOOOH WOW! Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
How are men like chocolates? A.They never last long enough B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead? A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.