A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Q. Why do blondes have legs? A1. So they don't get stuck to the ground. A2. To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. A3. So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
Q: What does a blond man do at 03.00 in the night naked at the balcony? A: The blond girl told him to come outside
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
A group of blondes was going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day, I am going to dial 911 and call the cops!"
Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!
How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache.
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".