Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t.
And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Two programmers in a bar:
Do you see that chick there?
Look at here “properties”!
Yes, I’ve already “tested” here last night... they are read-only!
Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus?
GarageBend.
Vote:
Who said Windows 98 is a virus was wrong.
Why?
Because a virus does something.
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work.
To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
Fed up with your computer winning at chess?
Try it at kick-boxing instead!
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
Vote:
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it.
It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.
Murphy's Laws of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
Vote: