How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three.
One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
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If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.
A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week.
Finally someone notices and calls the police.
They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body.
The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure and exhaustion.
The puzzle is explained when the police read the instructions on the shampoo bottle – ‘Wet hair.
Apply shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.’
Steve Jobs was an amazing man.
He will live in my hard drive forever!
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A new army computer is put through its paces.
An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’
The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
What did the psychiatrist say to the android kleptomaniac?
DON'T keep taking the tablets!
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
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What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."
The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before.
I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said "I think you're both wrong!
I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
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