How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Why was the IT support worker bad-tempered? Because he had a chip on his shoulder.
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
Knock knock! Who's there? Yah! Yah who? Naaah, bro, I prefer google.
Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50." "Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
Life is too short to remove USB safely.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays.
Q: What do you call a group of 8 hobbits A: Hobbyte.