There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data
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Yo mama's so fat when she made a YouTube account the entire network crashed.
Computers are like air conditioners.
They work fine until you start opening windows.
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
When you loose your car keys, click on find.
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary.
You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
POST Server image uploads in android are easy.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
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Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
Chuck Norris can access the internet from a walkie talkie.
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