Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.
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You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
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Justin Timberlake didn't bring sexy back Chuck Norris did.
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This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning.
He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her.
When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying, "I need a man, I need a man."
So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man.
So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying, "I need a bike, I need a bike!!!"
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Charlie marries a virgin.
On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her.
"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"
"Much better!" she replies with a smile.
"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.
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A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sex.
‘You’ve got a very small organ,’ says the woman.
The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.
"Let me show you," says the captain.
He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.
"This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."
The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.
"Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!"
"Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."
"Why not Thursday?"
"That's your day in the barrel."
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!