Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.
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The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position".
The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?"
Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
A young couple get between the sheets for the first time.
In a flash it’s over.
The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’
His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen.
The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her.
One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom.
Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence.
All three pronounced their loyalty.
That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers.
The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace.
He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine.
The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed.
The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished.
"Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed.
He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!"
With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!"
Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!"
The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"