Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.
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Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle.
What's your age?
70.
You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...
The four words most hated by men during sex?
‘Is it in yet?’
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary.
That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed.
She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?"
He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight."
She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?"
He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex?
Girl: A threesome.
Boy: What's it called when two people have sex?
Girl: A twosome.
Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
To be sure, to be sure.
Yo mama so fat, when your dad tried eating your mom's pussy his head stuck in.
Q: Why do fat, ugly women give the best blow jobs?
A: Because they have to!
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.