What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
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Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool;
Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael.
‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat.
‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied.
‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted
‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.
‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’
‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no!
he beats me!".
The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".
So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
Vote:
Superman is faster then a speeding bullet.
Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.
Vote:
Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A:Telling your parents that your gay!
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he's done any good.
The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.
The man says, "I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany.
The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play when I awarded a penalty against England."
"Yes," responds St. Peter, "That was a real act of bravery.
Can you tell me when this took place?"
"Certainly," the man replies.
"About three minutes ago."
Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea?
A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball?
Under the Hoop