What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
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An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.
On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged.
Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.
A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering.
The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing."
To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer.
"We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.
The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.
The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
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The was a man named George who got a new job.
His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday.
They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning.
George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00.
He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again.
He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round.
This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are.
Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win.
What is up with that?''
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife.
If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed.
If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise!
He was a colourful boxer.
Black and blue all over.
Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
Two NBA basketball referees were walking through the countryside and they noticed some tracks.
The first said, "Deer tracks?"
"No," replied the second, "Bear tracks."
The conversation ended abruptly when the train hit them.
There are three men on a desert island: Genius, Smart, and Idiot.
Genius has concluded that at least one man must swim to shore and get help.
Genius volunteered himself, as he is the most likely to get remember to get help.
Genius, not being very athletic, swam halfway to safety and then drowned.
Days later, Smart finally realized Genius drowned.
Smart then decided it was his turn to swim and get help.
Idiot agreed because he didn't know what was happening.
Smart, not being very athletic, swam three quarte rs of the way to safety and drowned.
Days later, Idiot decided it must his turn to swim.
He also did not know what his goal was.
Idiot, not having very much intelligence, swam halfway to safety, felt tired, so he swam back to the island he was stranded on.
Q: What do you call black people in a swimming pool?
A: Coco puffs.
Q: What do u call mexicans in the swimming pool?
A: Reeces puffs reeces puffs!
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