Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A:Telling your parents that your gay!
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Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.
Our new midfielder cost ten million.
I call him our wonder player.
How come?
Every time he plays I wonder “why the fuck did I bothered to buy him”!
A sailor and a priest were playing golf.
The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot.
Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."
Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
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Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder.
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon.
I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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A true story, according to the LA Times.....
Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?"
Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"
There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team.
They drowned during spring training.
The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries.
The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.
"No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened."
After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.
"What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!"
Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."