I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match. I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the second fan. "If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team."
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own. "No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3. "What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!" Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
What can you serve that you cannot eat? A tennis ball.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan? ´ A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
The man says, "Will you buy booze?" The bum says, "No." The man says, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum says, "No." So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player. How come? Every time he plays I wonder “why the fuck did I bothered to buy him”!
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 3 niggers? In trouble. What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 niggers? Coach. What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 niggers? Prison Warden.