Joke #3931

I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match. I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.

Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."

Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.

Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move? A: The splits!

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of them and he immediately fell to the ground clutching his hands together in his groin, and rolled around in obvious agony. The woman rushed over and immediately began to apologize "Please allow me to help, I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'll allow me" she told him." "Oh no I'll be all right, I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied, still lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. Following her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them at his sides, she loosened his trousers and put her hand inside. She administered tender and skillful massage for several long moments and then asked "How does that feel?" He replied "It feels fabulous, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? A: Because they can't stop saving their work.

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?" Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."

Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.