Why did the Irishman give up internet shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
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Google+ is the gym of social networking.
We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree.
They all get out and discuss how to fix the car.
The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’
The engineer says, ‘That would take too long.
I have my penknife here.
I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’
The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
A programmer went to the store to buy milk.
His partner said, "While you're there, buy eggs."
The programmer never returned.
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A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
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Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover?
A: Your mouse pad.
What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."