Why did the Irishman give up internet shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
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What do computers do when they get hungry?
They eat chips!
Programmer.
A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work.
To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
Bad command or file name.
Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay!
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do?
Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
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What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
The car salesman can probably drive!
What’s an Athlon at 1,2 GHz processor that runs for 9 minutes without a cooler called?
8.5 minutes burned processor.
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."