I dropped my laptop into the ocean the other day.
Now I have a Dell rolling in the deep. 
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Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
What did one computer say to the other?
010101101010101010101
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
Where do you go if you become ‘at one’ with your computer?
Nerdvana.
Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women?
A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
When you loose your car keys, click on find.
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary.
You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Vote:
Two programmers in a bar:
Do you see that chick there?
Look at here “properties”!
Yes, I’ve already “tested” here last night... they are read-only!
"Knock, knock.Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."
Vote: