Joke #3978

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.

Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus. "Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!" "No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft". So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft" Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"? To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent"

Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.

I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.

Why did the captain lose the yacht race? He found himself in a no-wind situation.

Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers? A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!

Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.