I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.
Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.
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An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst.
An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell.
The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "Your dog can't swim!"
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball?
Under the Hoop
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job.
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
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Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A: Pork Chop.
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Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.
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Q: What game does the brontosaurus like to play with humans?
A: Squash.