I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club.
He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked every week !'
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!
When Chuck Norris goes to a BBL cricket game, he doesn't watch out for the big hits from the players, the big hits watch out for him!
Vote:
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
Vote:
Why are football stadiums always cool?
"Because they're full of fans."
A woman is learning how to golf.
She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad.
She decides to consult a golf pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball.
She does.
The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right.
The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club".
When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.
"She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards."
The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem. How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?"
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.
Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."