I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
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Q: What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl on TV?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.
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PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
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A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and the green.
But each time the ball splashes into the drink.
In utter frustration the golfer said, "Caddie, take my clubs on in, I'm going to jump into the water and drown myself."
The caddie replied, "I doubt that, sir. You couldn't keep your head down long enough to drown!"
The boxer fells down in the fourth round.
The referee starts counting.
Billy’s grandmother gets up on her legs from the first row and screams:
Stop counting for nothing, he won’t get up!
I know him from the buss...
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."