When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
Before going to bed, the Boogeyman always checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
I before E except after Chuck.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.