Chuck Norris can hear pictures.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
Chuck Norris never uses a navigation system. The direction he is heading is ALWAYS the right direction.
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.