Why is basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor!
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What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
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Why are football stadiums always cool?
"Because they're full of fans."
Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans.
One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven.
Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost.
A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?".
"Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya.
First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!".
"Thank God!" Joe shouts...
"What is the bad news?!".
"You're pitching tomorrow."
There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream?
Aston Vanilla.
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan.
When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
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Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"