Why is basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, ‘daddy daddy Philip just got taken by the current' and the dad says, "Oh, forget that nigger."
Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets. Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there." Bobby: "No probs, Dad." Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player. How come? Every time he plays I wonder “why the fuck did I bothered to buy him”!
Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. Squash
A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there." The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice booms again, "You will find no fish under the ice." The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?" The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
A famous boxer must be operated by appendicitis. From the operation room the doctor gets out holding himself to the walls with a bruised eye and says: A can’t do this anymore! I try to anesthetize him, I count until 9 and he gets up and starts punching me...
There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"