Joke #4283

Why is Cinderella such a bad football player? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is. "mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm." "I'm sorry, what did you say?" "mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm." "I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand. "You've got to keep your worms warm."

Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton! Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!" "What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine. "Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets. Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there." Bobby: "No probs, Dad." Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."

Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.

A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? All the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the USA.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A: "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"