Why is Cinderella such a bad football player? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Yo Momma's a bowling ball. She is round and heavy, men stick three fingers into her and push her in the gutter. Then she comes rolling back for more.
A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, ‘daddy daddy Philip just got taken by the current' and the dad says, "Oh, forget that nigger."
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q:Why is basketball the grossest sport there is? A:Because they dribble all over the court.
Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets. Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there." Bobby: "No probs, Dad." Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."