How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she’s pregnant.
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Q. Why do blondes have legs?
A1. So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2. To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3. So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A. A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped.
"Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.
Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began.
I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!
I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles.
That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
A blonde's car breaks down.
A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car.
The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!