What do you call a blonde with a brain?
A golden retriever.
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A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate?
A: She changed her name to JKM345.
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Hey" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are already on the other side."
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.
A blonde's car breaks down.
A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car.
The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."
Q: What happened when a blonde missed the Q44 bus?
A: She took the Q22 twice.
An old man asks a blond:
If a guy would try to rape you, will you scream for help?
If he can’t manage me by himself off course!