The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades.
...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday.
So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
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Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
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It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around.
St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks.
"What's up with those clocks, Peter?"
"Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left.
When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged."
The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others.
St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock.
The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate.
"What's the story with that clock?"
"Oh, that," St. Peter replies.
That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
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Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?"
Matthew: "I don't know. What?"
Michael: "Candy corneas."
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Joke has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, Halloween, morbid
Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.
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Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say?,” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”
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How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred?
On the fingers!
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral.
A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said.
"It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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