The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ? A Pedophiles ass.
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.