The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?" "Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies? A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He has to eat his way out. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He goes back for more.
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? Because black people have no rights...