What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period.
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A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?
They forget the recipe.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does.
The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss!
She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette.
"We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde.
"I almost got caught."
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,’ then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.’ So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,’ so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord and nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their knees.