Joke #4943

Cool Morals: 1. Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa. 2. One should love animals. They are tasty too. 3. Save water. Drink beer. 4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick. 5. Books are holy. So don't touch them. 6. Love your neighbor. But don't get caught. 7. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...

Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.

Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel. Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide! Do you have the airfield in sight?" Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

It was tough for me, got caught up: cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town. What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

Doc, isn't it harmful to drink a shot before eating? No it's not, if you don't eat too often..

*WINS AN OSCAR* Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.

T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.

Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."

The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.