Joke #5267

The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."

Knock knock. Who's there? Allahu Akbar. Allahu AK- BOOM!!!

A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter" The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?" The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."

"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."

Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.

Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.

Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.

Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.