Joke #5290

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in. After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night." The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning." The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!" "Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."
Vote: has 84.34 % from 797 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Vote: has 66.17 % from 59 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, blonde, dirty, sex
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots. The bartender asks him if it's a special occation? The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first blowjob". The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house". The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".
Vote: has 65.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my dick on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says"bubba, is that you?"
Vote: has 84.67 % from 940 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, wife, women
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders. The chief walks to the men and says, "What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?" The first man thinks for a second and replies, "I choose Boogaloo". The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant "boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo". The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up. The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, "You must choose, Death or Boogaloo?" The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, "I choose death." The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, "Death by boogaloo!!!"
Vote: has 68.03 % from 141 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
What is something nine out of ten people enjoy? Gang rape.
Vote: has 57.01 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
Vote: has 38.94 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
The Unfortunate Penis: - You've got a hole in your head. - You always hang around with two nuts. - Your closest neighbor is an a**hole. - Your best friend is a pussy. - Every time you get excited, you throw up.
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Vote: has 69.30 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Whats the second thing thats hard in the morning? waking up!
Vote: has 57.45 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty