Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
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Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets;
he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
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When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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Chuck Norris knows what pi tastes like.
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Chuck Norris does not play the lottery.
It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
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In the Matrix, the bullets try to dodge Chuck Norris - and fail.
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Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.
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Chuck Norris can win a game of 'Connect 4' in 3 turns.
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Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
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Chuck norris recently received a restraining order barring him from getting closer then half a mile from Satan.
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Chuck Norris can "make it rain in Southern California".
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