A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
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Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
A man standing at a urinal notices that he's being watched by a midget.
"Wow," comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee.
Suddenly, the midget pulls up a step ladder right next to the urinal and says, "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, but as they're so admirable, I wonder if I could take a closer look."
Again the man is rather startled, but sees no real harm in it.
Just then, the midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!"
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
Vote:
Why does a man like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!
Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.