The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
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Clark Kent had to call himself "Superman" because "Chuck Norris" was already taken.
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Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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Water needs safety arm bands when swimming with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
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When Chuck Norris visits Europe on vacation, France surrenders.
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Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.
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Chuck Norris once slapped a headless man.
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Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
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In fourth grade, a teacher edited Chuck Norris's essay.
Big mistake.
You don't edit Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris edits you... with his fist.
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Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey.
He chews bees...
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