The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Justin Beiber screeched like a high-pitched girl the time he saw Chuck Norris.
His voice is still up there today.
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Chuck Norris was once part of a knock knock joke.
The Joke ended abruptly when after the first knock the door blew up killing the man behind it.
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Chuck Norris can split the atom.
With his bare hands.
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Chuck Norris is ambidextrous.
He can do Roundhouse kicks with his left and right leg.
All at the same time.
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When Chuck Norris went to the beach, he gave the ocean a bath.
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Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.
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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.
Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
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Dante's Inferno is based on a Nature Walk Chuck Norris once took.
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