The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck doesn't have e-mail, he has HE-mail.
Chuck Norris has a website, is called the internet.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it...
When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the real man inside of Chucky.