Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
Chuck Norris knows who's buried in Grant's Tomb.
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
Climate change is just Chuck Norris playing with the thermostat.
Chuck Norris can make you fold a Royal Flush.
How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia? 2 months... How does he get there? He walks.
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. Chuck Norris can see in the dark.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.