Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
To finally solve whether Mona-Lisa is smiling or not, Chuck Norris took a quick look at it. She's crying
“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can write history of the future.
DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF RELIGION: Grade is determined by God. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A. DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: Grades are variable. DEPT OF LOGIC: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A. DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: Random number generator determines grade. MUSIC DEPARTMENT: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: Everybody gets an A.
Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital... twice.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.