Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?
"Ask your sister"
"I don't have a..."
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If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
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"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
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Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.
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A Mexican and a nigga are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!
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Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
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There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."
The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."
The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped.
At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?"
The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
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