Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?
"Ask your sister"
"I don't have a..."
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I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!"
Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!"
Father: "But you have to start with something!"
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If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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Q: How does every black joke start?
A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.
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What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
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Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
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