Joke #5874

Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
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has 76.22 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: black humor

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John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
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has 83.64 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: black humor, hospital, medical
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
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has 49.83 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, music
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, geography, health, war
What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl? Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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has 29.62 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, morbid, racist, sport
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
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has 62.35 % from 217 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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has 77.37 % from 329 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."
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has 81.43 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: black humor, customer service, funeral
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
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has 83.76 % from 649 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, money, wife
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
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has 71.37 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, kids, music