Chuck Norris never actually moves. He merely rotates the earth with his feet.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.
Chuck Norris can drive a car without gas... or an engine.
Chuck Norris doesn't jump. He moves the ground away from him.
If Chuck Norris was on Minute to Win it, they would need 59 seconds of filler.
Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck.
Chuck Norris doesn't think he's better than everyone, everyone thinks Chuck Norris is better than them.
When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.