Chuck Norris never actually moves.
He merely rotates the earth with his feet.
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Scientists don't bother to calculate how many years old the planet earth is, they just say it's one Chuck old.
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Chuck Norris removes the tag from mattresses, and mails them back to the company.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
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Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
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Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
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Chuck Norris never uses a navigation system.
The direction he is heading is ALWAYS the right direction.
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Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
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Chuck Norris beat a black hole in a tug of war.
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If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
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