Chuck Norris never actually moves. He merely rotates the earth with his feet.
Chuck Norris can run so fast he can cause time travel.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past. He has never made any mistakes.
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris can get a strike in bowling using a ping-pong ball.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can kick someone in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris built the hospital in which he was born.
Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.