Chuck Norris isn't on Earth, the Earth is on Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once won a chess game after losing his king
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Chuck Norris' toothpaste doesn't have baking soda in it, it has gunpowder in it.
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When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
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According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
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If Chuck Norris gets a question wrong, it is right.
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Total Recall was based off of an average day in the life of Chuck Norris.
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A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
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Chuck Norris is so hot he makes the sun sweat.
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