In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here." "But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog." The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says. "A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
Once chuck norris and time had race. Result: The time is still running.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Night time... when Chuck Norris tells the sun it's time for bed.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".