Q: Why is Chuck Norris still alive? A: Death remembers the feeling of the round-house kick.
Never ask Chuck Norris for an autograph. Why? Because Chuck's signature is a straight roundhouse kick to the face.
The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he made a mistake
Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?
Chuck Norris doesn't beat around the bush, he beats up the bush.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.
Chuck Norris doesn't check under his bed for monsters, monsters check on top of the bed to see if Chuck Norris is sleeping.
When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.