The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun. The Earth is stationary. The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.
People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.
Chuck Norris can make a stop sign say go.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to clear his sinuses.
Dreams about Chuck Norris are in 4D.
Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.
Chuck Norris once stood on a bridge in London. Then they wrote a song about it.
Chuck Norris can spell roundhouse kick with five letters: death.
Chuck Norris once separated his powers into five people, they are now called The Avengers.
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.