Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Okay, I've finished my morning prayers.
15 years ago I started a burping contest with Chuck Norris... who had the longest? I don't know he is still busy.
Chuck Norris doesn't get drunk. He simply lowers his IQ to yours.
The Roswell UFO crashed because Chuck thought it was a frisbee.
Chuck Norris called McDonald's through the television.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
R. Lee Ermey's war face is the face he made when he saw Chuck Norris ready to attack.
Chuck Norris can in fact eat water.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave.