Joke #8703

Chuck Norris went up the creek without a paddle... or a canoe.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

The Animal Crackers that Chuck Norris eats are made from real animals.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.

Chuck Norris doesn't even have to bid in an auction to win it.

Chuck Norris went around the world... by standing still.

If Chuck Norris was a villian in a video game, you'll never win. But if he was the hero, it's unplayable; because no one controls Chuck Norris.

If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.

Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.

Justin Beiber screeched like a high-pitched girl the time he saw Chuck Norris. His voice is still up there today.

Much controversy surrounds Area 51, which is also known as Chuck Norris's playground. Those flying saucers are similar to our model cars and planes.