Chuck Norris can't fly, gravity just looks the other way when he leaves the ground.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
Chuck Norris didn't cross the road... he was already on the other side...
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
Chuck Norris doesn't break bricks. They fold under pressure.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he saw a fat chick, he roundhouse kicked her so hard she transformed. She is now known as Britney Spears.
Chuck Norris doesn't shave, his beard grows to the perfect length and stops.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
When Chuck Norris plays the game Clue, the answer is always everyone in every room with a roundhouse kick!
Chuck Norris can do push-ups in a sit-up position.