The entire movie of "Anaconda" was recorded inside Chuck Norris' pants.
Evolution ended the day Chuck Norris was born.
Chuck Norris didn't have a mum or dad, he created himself.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris called McDonald's through the television.
Chuck Norris knows who let the dogs out.
There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Once, Chuck Norris told Nike to "just do it..." and it did.
Chuck Norris once leaned on the Tower of Pisa...