Guns need a licence to bear Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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Chuck Norris doesn't pick up his food to eat it.
He commands it to enter his mouth.
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Someone once broke into Chuck Norris' house and instead of stealing anything they gave Chuck Norris everything they owned.
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Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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The hardest known subsatance in the universe is Chuck Norris's will.
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If Chuck Norris is defusing a bomb and has a choice of red wire, yellow wire and green wire, he chooses blue.
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Chuck Norris can take the bridge to nowhere and actually reach his destination.
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During vacation my front door's open and I left a note saying "This house is protected by Chuck Norris 3 days a week you guess which 3."
All was good.
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Chuck Norris' beard has a tattoo.
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Chuck norris farted in a ditch and the grand canyon was created.
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