Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burnt; that would be a foolish thing for the sun to do.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
Chuck Norris beat the light speed by 2 hours and 23 minutes.
The second hardest element in the universe is Chuck Norris. The first only comes into existance when Chuck gets excited.
Chuck Norris doesn't always drink beer, but when he does he has the dos equis guy serve it to him in a dress.
Chuck Norris had to write a story on bravery he got a A+ for writting his name.
Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
Chuck Norris is so fast that when he runs, he can see his back.