Chuck Norris never swam. Every time he was about to get in a pool the water ran away in terror!
Chuck Norris once decided to dig a hole, today we call it the Grand Canyon.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Daylight Savings happened when Chuck Norris overslept an hour.
Chuck Norris never needs help, help needs Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook... No one's his friend.
Some say that Chuck Norris is the Stig.
Columbus may have discovered America, but after a conversation with Chuck Norris it was decided, Chuck Norris discovered America.
Chuck Norris can get breakfast at McDonalds after 11, at Taco Bell.