Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.
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The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway.
But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
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Chuck Norris has no need for a TV remote.
He stares at his television, until it changes the channel.
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Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
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Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field... wearing clown shoes.
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Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
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Chuck Norris can check out books from the Library of Congress.
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Most tough men eat nails for breakfast.
Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.
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Chuck Norris can unlock a hairpin with a door.
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In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job".
That is the story of the universe.
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