Chuck Norris is the reason terrorists hide in caves.
What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation: 1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate. 2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" 3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." 4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence. 6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence. 7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time. 8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Three holy men rode a plane home. There was a terrorist on board who of the firm belief that the world should end. Who should talk him out of it. The pilot and his crew gave up and believed the holy men should live. In the remains was a burnt soccer ball labeled flame retardant. And a melted black box. The holy men still live to tell the tale. And so does the football.
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey.
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
Stevie Wonder was the last person to stare Chuck Norris directly in the eyes...
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
Q: "What do you call a Muslim shrink? A: A terrorpist."
Why does Chuck Norris have a beard? A better question is what will he do to you if you ask him?
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.