You can't win a starring contest with Chuck Norris becuase when you look in to his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
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There is no such thing as global warming.
Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.
Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
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Chuck Norris doesn't jump. He moves the ground away from him.
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Chuck Norris didn't have a mum or dad, he created himself.
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Chuck Norris once shaved his beard.
People now call it Bigfoot.
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Chuck Norris can build a house from the roof down.
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The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris protects his airbag in an accident.
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