Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris sends his beard clippings to the police.
They are used as bullet proof vests.
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Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.
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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
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Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.
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Chuck Norris once sued a Law and Order Company because those are the trademark item names of his right and left legs.
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Chuck Norris does not open doors.
Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
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No matter how fast you run, Chuck Norris will always walk faster.
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The burning bush that Moses spoke of was actually Chuck Norris's beard!
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Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital... twice.
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