Chuck Norris can make his own reflection vomit with fear.
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Chuck Norris once pushed a door that said,"pull."
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris invented black.
In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light.
Except pink.
Tom Cruise invented pink.
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Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
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A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.
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If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
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The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once got careless and accidentally locked his drawer key inside his drawer, with a lock that needs the key to lock.
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Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
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As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer.
He gave the world Stonehenge.
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