Earth is not spinning around the sun. The sun is just desperately trying to keep a distance to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag. Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.
Chuck Norris knows the last number of infinity.
Chuck Norris doesn't make typos. Words simply stutter in his presence.
Chuck Norris boils an egg by holding it.
Jason Bourne fought Chuck Norris but he can't remember because now he has amnesia.
When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook... No one's his friend.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.