Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
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An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.
He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
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What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.
Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?
A: Because it's full of Arab semen.
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Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert?
A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
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In what state will you find the most cows?
Moo York.
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii?
Moo moos.
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant -
"Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
How to speak Irish:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked
Say them all quickly.
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