Joke #9851

Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
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has 38.25 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography

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An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis. The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also". There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
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has 79.36 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, blonde, dirty, geography
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography, Thanksgiving
Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert? A: Because it's full of Arab semen.
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What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
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Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, geography
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
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In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.
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What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
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Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
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How to give a cat a pill. 1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process. 3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw. 7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water. 8. Tie the little angel's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill. 9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table. 10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
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has 78.70 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, drug, life, wine